where to start :-/ well I've had depression since just after I turned 16. I'm now 25 and have recently been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My depression this time is a lot worse than I've ever felt before when my depression has returned, I've never had anxiety problems before, i found myself to be confident, loud and really didn't give a c**p what others thought, lol. but all of a sudden i started feeling really panicky and freaked out by being surrounded by loads of people. I found it hard to even go a simple walk to the shop which is only a few minutes from where I live. I really tried to hide how i was feeling to start with, I would hold all my feelings in until my son was in his bed and my partner was at work and then I would just break down and often cried myself to sleep which was a horrible feeling. I often felt like walking out on my family and I didn't seem to care where I would end up, I just knew that I felt like I wanted to walk out and keep walking until I couldn't walk anymore. I knew I didn't really want to feel like this but at the same time I didn't want to admit how I was really feeling. Eventually I just broke down and told my Health visitor exactly how I was feeling and she done a depression test with which showed I scored quite high with my depression. My Barnardo's worker made an appointment with my doctors and came along with me but the doctor I seen didn't want to put me on anti-depressants as I was pregnant and due to me history of miscarriages, so we left the doctors having gotten absolutely nowhere and made another appointment with my own doctor for a few weeks time. once my doctors appointment came round again, my worker once again came with me and told the doctor what I'd told her about how I was feeling and when he asked me I just completely broke down and told him everything, he asked if i wanted anti-depressants and explained that there had been no proper research into how they affected the baby during pregnancy but I told him that I would rather be on medication and feel better before my baby came instead of not taking any medication and end up feeling a hell lot worse than what I did to start with, so he put me on antidepressants. I've only been on them about 2 months but my partner and other around me have said that they have noticed a difference in my moods and how I seem to be feeling. although there are days where i struggle to get out of bed let alone go out, especially since the anxiety attacks have gotten really really bad and I cant go down the town for shopping or anything unless my partner is with me as i start feeling really dizzy and sick and it like everything around me starts swirling before my eyes and my palms start sweating and it gets that bad I just drop everything and go for the nearest taxi and go home because if I don't I would probably end up fainting or something. I try and go out but its really hard as i always end up completely knackered and want to sleep for days afterwards which I cant afford to feel like that when I also have a 4yr old in the house, so its just a constant losing battle at the minute but I am determined to beat this and to at least feel better by the time my baby is born. xxx